I didn't get all the photos I wanted today, and I almost didn't get any, all because I was hell bent in not believing in myself.

All day I was here saying "you need to start cultivating self believe" but of course as most people do it was, ah I'm busy and feel a bit crap today so I'll leave it for future. Yep I fell in that trap and it left me feeling worse about myself and very behind on my to-do list. But I did push myself to believe I could do something, otherwise these photos wouldn't have gotten done and I wouldn't have written a draft for another article. It's especially important to push yourself of days where you're feeling the worst, because how else are you going to get out of your hole of self pity and into having fun or doing things that matter.

Top - Old (similar)
Skirt - Charity Shop (similar)
shoes  - Old (similar)
Earrings - Old (similar)
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I always used to think I had a lot of self belief, but it was a false friend. I wanted to believe in myself and I always told myself that I could do something but I never actually truly believed that I was any good at things. Even after spending a year crippled with anxiety due to the fact I didn't think I was good enough, i still thought I had enough self confidence, oops. But recently, thanks to having wonderful people in my life who do truly beieve in me and my talents, it's first of all highlighted how much I doubt myself about everything, and secondly given me confidence and made me see how wonderful it is. All this has highlighted a big need for me to start doing the same for myself, they believe in me and not only want to see me do well but can see me do well, so I need to start to as well.

Back to today my morning started pretty ok, I delayed a lot getting ready and then got a fair few things checked off my to-do list, then my laptop overheated (a problem that is making things a lot more difficult at the moment). Instead of taking this as a que to go and get ready to do out and take some awesome outfit photos I lay in bed and let myself drift off to the world of self depriciation. it was then 5pm and I sat and deliberated as I did my makeup, got ready, stood to go out, as to whether a) the weather was good enough and b) I was good enough to go and take the outfit photos today. It spiraled and here i was wondering whether I was good enough at all to even keep running this blog and get anywhere with it.

But I pushed myself to go out, even if I didn't feel up to taking pictures the walk would do me good. And as I got to my first location I was further frustrated by the fact that the light wasn't good enough and the plants I wanted to take photos in front of were overgrown and didn't look the same as they used to. I saw on a bench overlooking the sea feeling down beat, again wondering whether I was good enough for anything and thinking "what is the point". I had another outfit in my bag that I could photograph by the sea but I was just going to give it all in and go home.

Then I had that eureka moment, here I was saying that I needed more self belief while at the same time doing the opposite of even trying to believe in myself. I'd spent most of the afternoon putting myself down and telling myself i wasn't good enough when I hadn't even tried! So I got changed and went down to the beach determined to get something out of the day.

And that's where these ones came from, they didn't go quite to plan but I don't think any planned shoot I've ever had really has gone to plan. But I got photos I'm happy with, and all it took was a moment of me going "no actually you can do this!". I did plan to go and take my second set of pictures when it got dark but the rain decided it was having none of that and so it'll have to wait for another day, another day to challenge myself to some pushing myself and trying to have confidence in my abilities.

In the past my lack of self belief has stopped me doing so many things, going out to take pictures, drafting certain blog posts, sharing my site with my friends, promoting posts I didn't think were quite perfect, it even almost stopped me going to university. But I'm now going to make a conscious effort to try and believe in myself, rather than expecting that belief to magically appear in my brain. I'm going to challenge self doubting thoughts, do even more things out of my comfort zone, keep a network of incredibly supportive people around me, and be proud of my achievements. Because I'm so much better off when I actually see my capabilities.

Oh and if you have any tips on how to cultivate that sweet self confidence, belief, and say bye to self doubt then I would love to hear them.