Messy

Tuesday, 13 December 2016

Everything is not going to be sorted by the time I'm twenty and that's ok. Life is messy, everybody sufferes, quite a lot, and that's not nice but it is ok. I can't sleep until at least 2am and I've only just started to sleep through the night. I'm making weird decisions I don't think are very me and I'm not sure whether I don't feel like myself because I'm not myself or because I've become and new version of myself. I don't really know what I want at any given time and I change my mind about every five minutes. I turn twenty in just over eight months and I really don't think I'm giong to have everything sorted by then but that's actually ok.
For a while, especially last year living it up in the best year of my life (so far) I thought that the hard was done that eh uni would be a breeze and I'd go through a little bit of shit but feel generally amazing and do all the things I wanted to. I'd done all the self loating and not knowing what I wanted when I was younger and now everything was in the clear. No, definitely not.
I'm a lot better than sixteen year old me was, a lot better but I am very very tired and I'm not sure what I'm doing or why I'm doing it a lot of the time. But that's all completely fine; I've decided.
Falling up these stairs hurts, a lot
This photoset is just one that I started taking at uni because I wanted to document my new little bit of life. I live in an old halls which is are a bit of a shithole and falling apart a bit but I love them anyway. They have their own quirks, and questionable furniture/layout/decoration choices but they're cute in their own weird way.
More residents of the upstairs corridor 
A resident of the upstairs hallway 
I feel weird talking about messyness and things going a bit shit because I wanted this blog to be my own little beacon of "everything is wonderful" to look back on. An "I got through the shit". But that ain't how stuff works and I'd like to actually keep posting even when things aren't completely rosy.
I'm sat here too tired to really be aware of what I'm writing as my housemate sings in the shower after a wonderful day having a flat Christmas dinner, playing games and drinking and I just feel good, but also sad and tired. Messy.
There's a lot living in the bottom of my bag and the population keeps growing
Using bed sheets I used when I was five because they're amazing
My flatmates were kind enough to decorate my door
I didn't really have any expectations before I came to uni because I was very apprehensive and I don't think I really wanted to come.But it's all been a bit weird and not what I expected at all. Constantly stressed out, tired, usually ill, and having never spent this much time with people in my whole life exhaustion and messy are just words I'm going to use to describe how I feel right now. I need home and alone time and sleep. But at the same time I'm going to miss sitting and people watching while eating cooked from frozen roast potatoes and spaghetti hoops. Having spent all day snap chatting ugly pictures of people I'm sat with through lectures to get back and sit in the kitchen doing basically nothing with my flatmates for 3 hours. Definitely messy.
This is Didier and he lives on our kitchen wall




Don't really have much to say about our bathroom door

Our bathroom is a very weird shade of pink (?) but the colour is growing on me

This photo makes my room look a lot wider than it is

There's no reason at all we're called the messiest flat (it doesn't always look like this I swear)

I don't know where my writing in this post is going I'll be honest. I don't know what I want and I don't know what I'm doing, there aren't enough hours in the day but everything is somehow ok. I'm definitely very happy but I'm also definitely not a lot of the time. Much mess indeed.

 But basically everything has always turned out ok and probably will, even if it's a bit shit shit.


Either way I'm home by the time this is posted and enjoying my double bed, free food and the beach, but also missing my tiny little box of a room in Nottingham. I have two homes now and they're both pretty lovely. Even if one of them is a bit of a shithole.

I promised myself I would post every month this year, oops. Maybe next year? Probably next year.
But that's it for today I hope you're having a lovely week, now I'm back home I'm properly getting back into a blogging schedule which I hope I can keep up when I'm back next term so I'll see you guys on Friday.
Thanks for reading!

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