That's not to say none of the blogs I follow inspire me, I follow so many wonderful people who inspire me every day. I don't think I'd still be blogging if none of it inspired me.It's just not what I thought I should be doing what actually makes me happy.
I don't like the way a lot of fashion blogging has gone, to just showing off stuff and trying to sell things. About just posting a load of photos of clothes and links to buy them. But that's for another post.
While I was away, either travelling alone or staying with a large number of people and not really having a lot of alone time (big contrast) I had a lot of time to think. I also had a fair few new experiences, all of which have shifted my perspective on things and made me see the world, and myself, in a more healthy, positive way. So this post is about why I've changed perspective, what's changed and where this blog might be going next.
For a while, though I was still blogging for myself and loved it, I was very focused on the numbers. It was all about getting this site big. and ok that's still a dream, but it was an unhealthy obsession. Spending an hour plus a day on loads of blogs commenting on them about how I loved their scarf or skirt or whatever and hadn't even read their post. I rushed through posts I didn't really like to comment so they might just look at my site.
Checking my blog stats every day and getting paranoid about why they weren't going up and why I couldn't be more popular. And though it wasn't like I spent all of my time on my blog, any time I was thinking about my blog or doing something to do with it, it was all about the numbers and making it bigger and trying to be like other bloggers. And what formula would work to make this get more views. And what could I post that would get me more followers. Which was meaning I wasn't actually enjoying blogging as much as I could be, it was causing stress where it could be relieving it.
And none of that is what's really important anyway. It's lovely having people read my blog and comment on it, and I'm so so grateful to you guys who do. But I don't need this to be really popular to enjoy it and that certainly shouldn't be the thing I'm primarily focusing on.
I also want to appreciate the fact I have this space and really start making it my own, not just me playing it safe or trying to be like anyone else. I was never really doing what I wanted with my blog, just following other people. That's changing.
Before now I was too scared of making posts like this in case no one actually read them; and in case it would cause my bounce rate to increase due to people seeing lots of words and getting bored. But I blog for me, and if people want to read it then that's wonderful. And if people stumble across my blog and what I actually want to write and enjoy writing and creating isn't for them then that's ok too. I am not here to please the whole world, I'm here making myself happy.
I was also scared of saying something wrong or "controversial" and having people disagree with me. But I'm starting to get comfortable with having my own opinion about things and doing what I believe is right. Which means I'm going to start posting about topics close to my heart, something I've always really wanted to do but have never had the courage to.
Over the last six weeks travelling, and week back home, I've started becoming more of the me I've always wanted to be. I'm making positive changes and growing and this space is hopefully going to grow with me. It's only the beginning, which is both exciting and a little bit nerve-racking.
But the old scared me is gone, I'm going to trust myself, and be proud of myself. Create and learn.
I'm learning to be happy where I am right now. To appreciate everything as is it, because it's all pretty wonderful.
This new style of post does require a lot more proof reading, which is one thing I'm not so much looking forward to. But I'm sure it'll do me good. This was a lot harder to write than I thought it would be to be honest. My writing doesn't flow in the way I want it to and I'm sure my grammar is trash but I'm sure I'll get better in time. And I'm feeling pretty vulnerable right now but I'll keep powering through.
Also my face in the last photo was trying to be like "ooh look at this field I found that I didn't know existed; how cool" but ended up with me looking sad and confused. Eh, shit happens.
Thanks for reading!